An Outside Perspective

You told me that you love lemon tarts.

You didn’t like them before, until one day your mother Coaxed you to try one, after you’d returned from an eye checkup. (aren’t lemon tarts supposed to be sour) The world was soft, unfocused and this is the softness You bring back whenever you have them. (it’s fun to lick the cream)

You admitted that you hoard paper.

You showed me your room — filled with Hardcover diaries and fragile notepads. (everything can be used, so save it) Sticky notes running up the walls, beside the windows, Books everywhere preserved messily but with care. (first friends, ever beloved)

Anytime you hear music, you get lost in it.

You practise when no one can hear you. You always hum under your breath. (so that no one can listen and judge) And your fingers are never still, running over Invisible strings strumming a song only you know. (endless practice to avoid disappointment)

You are drawn to dangerous things.

You always climb ladders to see how far you can Go without having to look at the ground. (reckless, no sense of self preservation, get down) Lightning is terrifying, but your eyes shine at the sight Of the heavens when it roars and rages. (here, hold me, now you won’t be scared) You don’t know what to do in a big group.

You prefer to stay alone — sleeping in the corner of the classroom,

Wishing that the girls giggling behind you would shut up.

(it’s better to stay alone than to see another person walk away)

Small groups are fine, shared interests, even better.

Once you get close enough, you drown them in affection. (mandatory morning hugs and token protests)

You haven’t discovered all your secrets.

You lie awake in bed, wonder how to understand the six Types of attraction, and confuse yourself in the process. (some nights, trying to not think of ways to die) You’re uncertain about everything —how have people Not realized that you’re a fraud yet? (failure isn’t that bad, you should try it some time) You know that nothing is set in stone. You have survived for so long, so one more day won’t hurt. Things may look bleak now but that won’t last forever. (repeat it enough times and maybe it’ll come true) One day, that apartment you’ve been dreaming about Will be real, so you have something to strive for. (what to believe in, if not a happier future) I wonder what you see when you look at me.

Written by Rayna Mukherjee

Illustrated by Sreetama Mondal

Unedited, because the self deserves to be expressed freely.